Are You in a Relationship with a foreign partner

laz91

139 Posts
Fri, 27th July 2012, 11:17pm

   G'day Peter  I've been married to a Filipino lady for 17 yrs and have 3 sons. Their are many cultural differences that must be managed or go with the flow mostly. I think finding other Filipino women to chat with is a huge help.   Does your wife socialise  with Russian women?

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Peter Malyon

131 Posts
Sun, 29th July 2012, 7:00am

Hi Laz,

We used to live in Albany WA and there was a thriving little community of Russian and Ukrainian women. Unfortunately they were also very much into the "we have more than you do or my husband earns more than yours" type of crap and she was not into that.

Now we live in Melbourne she is reluctant to get involved with the locals. I know that there are some good groups around for women but she just stays home and skpes with her old friends from Russia and around the world. I think she is very homesick but don't know what I can do about it. She is in Russia at the moment and when she comes back in 7 weeks I think the homesickness could be worse.

anyway I will face that when it happens.

Peter

Negotiating another of lifes speed bumps

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sherlock

66 Posts
Tue, 31st July 2012, 12:38pm

I guess the answer will be for her to make new friends, Russian or not.

Keep trying, and every day is a little better.

Chris.

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laz91

139 Posts
Fri, 10th August 2012, 5:10pm

 G'day again,    My wife returned to the Philippines a fewtimes and actually was less homesick each time. I think things change when you are away. Friends find new friends etc

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Fab

843 Posts
Fri, 10th August 2012, 7:43pm

Must be major cultural differences having a wife from another part of the world.

Not just from your own relationship but with your immediate family and their friends.

Was a film on the ABC many years ago about a returned Vietnam vet and his Asian bride moving back to his country town and the problems they encountered fitting into the local community.

Should be more open discussion about it in this mulicultural world.

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semper

6 Posts
Fri, 17th August 2012, 6:19am

Good morning to you all!

I hope that what I will post will not unduly "ruffle some feathers"! BEFORE a man marries into a different race ( not politically correct?) nationality, culture, should think very carefully. We all have OUR own  baggage of OUR culture. Are we ready to accommodate another culture and/or forget OUR culture to please our new partner? We went looking "overseas" for a suitable partner, usually a much younger woman. I haven't seen, so far, a much younger, australian born woman, married to a 20 years older man. ( there are exceptions to every rule!!) The next question should be why a much younger woman would marry an older  man from a country so far away...from a photograph and a self prepared description. Is it a "love marriage " or a "convenience marriage". If it is a convenience marriage, it will stay a " marriage " until it is...convenient to BOTH the partners. I am of italian origin ( North Italy) and I have married my italian girlfriend 43 years ago. I have not forgotten what it is good of my past culture and I have embraced what it is good of my adopted  country. Again I do hope not to offend anybody ( it is NOT my intention)....there is an old italian/french saying/proverb : The appearance of the package is NO guarantee of the content. Only AFTER  you take home the package, open it...you will know what you bought and the quality of the content!

Cheers!

Semper

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laz91

139 Posts
Fri, 17th August 2012, 10:46pm

    Semper,  Good post. My definition of "love" is the person or even thing that fulfills your dreams, sexual or otherwise eg in the movie "Citizen Kane", the love of his life (which noone understood) was "Rosebud" a wooden snow sledge.

     So a marriage of convience may be all that is available to many, in fact most.  You married your early Italian girl friend and you are very lucky.

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semper

6 Posts
Sat, 18th August 2012, 6:41am

Good morning Laz and all!

I am REALLY relieved that my previous post was not interpreted as a criticism to other people choices in the field of wife/relationships. As a matter of fact, I have known ( not in a biblical sense!) the girl that I have married, for over 50 years. It was and still is difficult/rare to meet the right person at the right time and recognise that she/he is the right person. Sometimes, for the sake of companionship, we have to relax "our rules " that guide us in the choice of our friends or companions. Loneliness could be a very heavy burden to carry. Only when I watched  for the second time,  "Citizen Kane", I understood who was the love of his life.

I plan to join one of the Menshed in the Sutherland Shire, the area where I have lived since I came to Oz.

Cheers,

Semper

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Ken_67

488 Posts
Sat, 18th August 2012, 8:50am

Any relationship has it's challenges. Even if you have a similar 'cultural' background, upbringing and intimate family ideologies can create friction. Cultural differences can be a bigger problem, but they can be handled in a similar way. The important thing is to try to understand those differences, and how they affect your partner. and your relationship with her. Try to embrace some of the differences, and, if you can't remove them, try to deflect them in other ways. Look for ways to include her into the your lifestyle, in ways that will make her happy, and less inclined to brood on her own lost lifestyles. If this doesn't always work, compromise, and take pleasure in sharing her different ways.  Always remember, this is a shared partnership, and she has to deal with your cultural differences, faults, and failings, just as you have to deal with hers. The main aim should always be to try to do whatever it takes to make each other happy most of the time.

Ken

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