Depression

Mark Tindall

33 Posts
Tue, 14th December 2010, 11:13am

I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome though living a full life because of treatment. I am currently a presenter with the Black Dog Institue taking a message of mental health to high schools and community groups.  The presentation includes the signs of depression, where to find help and how to manage with the illness and keep well.  Depression is one of the most common diseases in society today and a number of my mats suffer from it. Men's sheds are a great way to share in your struggle.  For families and partners of those who suffer from dpression I recommend Matthew and Ainsley Johnstone's "Living With A Black Dog: How to take care of someone with depression while looking after yourself" (Pan:2008). The cartoons are wonderful and help explain what it is like!

Reply

Report abuse 3 Thumbs up

Carey Akers

108 Posts
Wed, 15th December 2010, 5:10pm

Mark, how do you get involved in these projects. I fear that I am about to be pensioned of and i think my body is not good but my mind has clarity therefore my life experiences maybe of assistance.

caza

Reply

Report abuse 0 Thumbs up

Mark Tindall

33 Posts
Thu, 16th December 2010, 1:03pm

The Black Dog Institute ran a training day in my local area which I read about in the paper and enquired. They are always looking for voluteers who suffer from a mental illness and who are willing to help others through a scripted presentation that includes ones own story. They operate out of NSW primarily. If you fit their criteria,  training will be provided ánd all bookings are made through the organisation.  However, it is not simply about this one oganisation. Volunteering is helpful to all and many organisions require volunteers over a wide range of areas. One of my mates voluteers at the local art gallery.  Another is involved in U3A (University of the Third Age) - basically retired people teaching and training others in a wide range of activities and insterests. Others are involved in our local library's Living Books - people telling their own stories on a one to one basis in a library. Being involved in helping others is a contributing factor to long life and one reason why Men's Sheds are so important. In the past, men retired and had no hobbies except their previous work.  They died within a few years of retirement as a result.  The Volunteer Help Centre is one place you could start looking.  I have a mate who helps others look for volunteer work through such a place locally.

Reply

Report abuse 1 Thumbs up

Carey Akers

108 Posts
Thu, 16th December 2010, 9:15pm

Mark, I understand the value of volunteering. I work on the steamranger Trains from Goolwa to Victor harbour and thoroughly enjoy it. I can give back to the community what it has given me. I believe that I developed this disease in order to help others. My question is how can I help others before or after developing this disease?

regards Carey Akers

caza

Reply

Report abuse 1 Thumbs up

Matt Williams

2 Posts
Thu, 16th December 2010, 11:48pm

I believe one of the 1st things a GP or therapist should do after diagnosing depression and starting treatment is to get the person's family in [the people they live with] to explain the illness to them. That way the patient might get better overall support. Having lived with family members who either don't 'believe' in depression [or put it in the too hard basket and ignore it] I can say it makes it pretty damn hard. If I had given this book to my family to read not a page would be turned unfortunately.

Reply

Report abuse 6 Thumbs up

Jimbo_71

1 Post
Fri, 17th December 2010, 2:23pm

Hi Mark, I too am a suffererof Depression and have been for many years. the hardest thing is the constant battle every day to deal with this illness. As a sufferer you would be well aware of ups and downs. The hardest thing in my life is trying to get people to understand that you Will sometimes be down but it in not their fault. I agree that education about this illness is very important and needs to be be raised in many forums such as School and work. At 39 Years of Age my struggle still continues.

Thanks for your great post. 

Reply

Report abuse 3 Thumbs up

trebuchet

6 Posts
Fri, 17th December 2010, 3:27pm

hi there thanks for posting on this topic

i am currently in the midst of a depression cycle, it was triggered off by a simple thing but compounded by so many other aspects of my life at this time.

i work, have a family, all the usual hallmarks of a 46yo and fight most days just "not to run away"

i believed at one stage i had honor in my life, i've downgraded that to responsibility and accountability to my obligations.

im currently seeing a clinical psychologist and hope to form some strategies to cope better rather than to shut off and become indifferent to how my illness affects my decision making and those around me.

its good knowing that there is help somewhere out there.

cheers

Reply

Report abuse 4 Thumbs up

Carey Akers

108 Posts
Fri, 17th December 2010, 3:44pm

Jimbo you are quite right in the saying that others around you need to understand the illness.  In my case, my wife sought out the information and has become my support. She found out about my illness and helped me through my darkest days. I unfortunately hurt her very badly.  She knew what a rough ride it was for me and it hurt me to know the pain I put her through.  We are still together despite this bumpy journey I have undergone. If it was not for her knowledge and understanding of the illness we would not be together. Knowledge is but a tool to help in this journey, rather than make it a destination. Regards Carey Akers

caza

Reply

Report abuse 2 Thumbs up

Mark Tindall

33 Posts
Sat, 18th December 2010, 9:46pm

You help others by being a listening ear and making friends with them. Start at your men's shed with the first bloke you see standing by himself. Speaking abouit depression destigmatises it. There are many people who suffer from it yet feel unable to talk about it as they think that others may see them as inferior. That is not the case. Depression is the same as any other illness. None of us asked to become depressed.  It just happened. It can be treated in a number of ways. Some get better soon while others, like myself, struggle with it on a daily basis.  I am, however, much better than I have been in the lst 15 years due to correct medication. Anyone who mentions to you that they would be beter off dead needs to be encouraged to talk about it and to seek medical help. You may save a life by that simple gesture.

Reply

Report abuse 1 Thumbs up

Mark Tindall

33 Posts
Sat, 18th December 2010, 9:58pm

Jimbo, all of us that struggle with the black dog are aware of its rollercoaster ride.  You have to be yourself and do what works for you on a moment by moment basis. Real friends stick by you through all types of problems if they know what you are going through.  The big problem for me was finding what worked best for me and reaching out for help when I required it. I have to tell this story ... I went to my local doctor severely depressed over a bully boss (and with a suicide plan that I didn't tell him about). He gave me a day off and told me to pick my socks up and get back to work. Things got worse. I went back to the doctor and he stated the same thing and gave me a few pills and told me not to come back - so I didn't. I found a new doctor who cared about my problem and who literally save my life.  You may have to look arond but help is out here.  If you don't first suceed, try again.

Reply

Report abuse 3 Thumbs up

Neil edwards

1 Post
Mon, 20th December 2010, 12:24am

Hey blokes. I too went to a doctor who told me I was just a statistic and to get over it. Thankfully my GP was smarter and found a great professional who started me on the road to a better place. (lost my way a few times but still on that road) My kids were a big support.

The thing to remember is that you are not the cause of the problem but you can be part of the solution with good support.

I am 55 and have had the Black Dog for a companion most of the way but now I know not to feed him anymore. Think good things about you, You are worth it. Look for good help and allow yourself to get better. I have learned not to sabotage my own health so much and the suicide option is no longer a real threat.

Good Health to you all. I am glad to have discovered this site and to have read your stories. They are a help to me as well. Unfortunately I didn't stay with my partner but we are good friends now.

Trebuchet I understand the desire to run away. I decide to at least once every day but I realise that I would only take the problems with me. I have some very good friends who help me stay on the road and I am always on the look out for help. Dont give up.

Reply

Report abuse 7 Thumbs up

DB482

3 Posts
Mon, 20th December 2010, 11:23am

Hi All,

I'm new to here and have been reading a few posts. It seems my story isnt alot different from others. I didnt really know what was happening to me at the time but I had some pretty bad physical complaints but nothing would show up in all the testing the GP did. He was very diligent but with my Wife's help diagnosed me with depression. Immediately started on medication which after 3 months gave me chronic side effects and I had to stop cold. That sent me into a pretty big dive.

Since then I have got the medication right ,seen phyciatrists and a phsycolgist. I wouldn't say any one of these things is working better than the other but I am on the road away from a really really horrible place. All of this has happened over 2 years  but it took longer to arrive at the dark place I was.

My work life and financial status is a wreck but I have a supportive wife. I'm sure others share this story and hope to hear some positive outcomes from treatment such as mine.

Regards,

Dan.

Reply

Report abuse 6 Thumbs up

Carey Akers

108 Posts
Mon, 20th December 2010, 1:59pm

Dan I am sure glad that I started this post because others do understand what and where we have been. I relate with all these stories and I am not amazed that there is a common thread. That is the support we get, be it from family or good mates, this demonstrates that we are never alone if we look for help.  It is our support group that helps us overcome this insidious disease.

regards to all

Carey

caza

Reply

Report abuse 0 Thumbs up

Joshua88

1 Post
Fri, 24th December 2010, 12:17am

I am suffering from depression of some sort, ive never seen anyone about it, i don't know how to bring it up to anyone or how to talk about it.. i don't know how i explain whats going on. It seems like it has been happening for 3+ years on and off but for the last two months it has been intensified and i feel like giving up, when its been happening in the past i've been able to "run away" from it all i moved from town to town and then overseas having amazing times as i go but then the same sort of thing happens and i "run away" i know this isnt healthy and im really scared right now because i dont have the means to run and i dont know what to do.

Reply

Report abuse 3 Thumbs up

Carey Akers

108 Posts
Fri, 24th December 2010, 8:24pm

Joshua stop running. What you are facing is not uncommon. There are a lot of people who have had to stand up to this alone. You are not alone. Please, stop running and seek professional help. I can only recommend that this is the start to regaining your wellbeing. Please seek help now as I am sure that nyou have a lot to give to the community. Go to my profile I think that you can email me any time you want.  I spend quite some time on this site and I have "run" as you have done. Now is the time to stop and toghether we can face your demons. Please run no more you have people who have been there and are only willing to help.

Kind regards Carey

caza

Reply

Report abuse 2 Thumbs up

Gerry Gledhill

26 Posts
Sun, 26th December 2010, 9:16am

Hi Carey Akers,  when my wife finally accepted that I had depression, the prospect of living with the black dog was a bridge too far for her.  I now battle the beast alone and starting again at 55 is not something I recommend to anybody.  The forward view can look rather dark at times.  It's the lack of companionship and the utter loneliness.  Anyhow, I have read your valuable comments to others and I'll save you the need to repeat it in my case.  It's kind of hard to break the habits of a lifetime and talk to total strangers about this stuff.  It took me a long time to get this far.  (posting a comment)   I guess it's the fact that this site is populated by other blokes on the same journey that helps.  Anyhow, off to my new shed.  Cheers,  Gerry.

Reply

Report abuse 1 Thumbs up

Carey Akers

108 Posts
Mon, 27th December 2010, 2:59pm

Gerry, I think we all have a story to tell about our journey. I want to thank you for sharing your story. There seems to be nothing easy about this disease because sometimes our minds tend to manufacture situations which are not logical. Acceptance and understanding of what is happening to us helps us to recognise when this occurs.  Unfortunately, I am unable to work but I find that by doing volunteer work helps my social life. Find something that you enjoy and maybe that can help. Yes, it takes time to be able to talk about it, I know with me it was six years. Tomorrow is my birthday, I turn 55. I hope that this may also help.

regards Carey Akers

caza

Reply

Report abuse 0 Thumbs up

Gerry Gledhill

26 Posts
Tue, 28th December 2010, 8:27am

Thanks for your reply Carey.  Talking about it has been the hardest part for me.  I have made a huge leap forward simply puting up that post.  I agree that socializing in my area will help.  I have particular hobby engineering interests which I would love to share with like or similar minded folk.  I still work but filling the quiet times to crowd out the black dog has been difficult.  Ill let you know how I get on with finding a local "mens shed".  By the way, many happy returns!  They say that this should be the best time of you lives.  I guess it is for some.  Hey, keep those Steamranger trains rolling.  I'll put that on my "must do" list for when next in SA.  Have a lovely new year.  Gerry.

Reply

Report abuse 1 Thumbs up

winmor

4 Posts
Tue, 28th December 2010, 10:21pm

HI,  after years of alcohol abuse and neglect of my relationship, my wife and i separated 18 months ago.

recently i stopped drinking and went to a doctor as i tried to win back my wife.

i was referred to a counsellor who on my first visit told me i have probably been depressed most of my life. i am 39 years old.

my wife is in love with someone else.

i have been crying everyday for the last month, the heartache and pain are at times unbearable.

here is a song i wrote of the cost of my depression and alcohol abuse.

The Long Stagger Home

It seemed cheap at the time, but now it's cost me the lot, you see i've lost all the good things, things i'd already got

Things you lose forever, and never see again, Things you're not supposed to lose till the end

So many times, i've embarrased myself, in so many ways, i damaged our health

1's too many, 20's not enough, waking up so often feeling so rough

 chorus It's cost me my wife and it's cost me my life, it'll soon cost my mind if i dont decline

           It's cost me so much time, in a cloudy mind, it's cost me my wife & it's cost me my life

Insulting people, without even trying, Offending friends, look now who's crying

The bar's now closed and I'm sat here alone, clearing my head for the long, stagger home

           I know it tore you apart too, it's not just the drinker

           With a bottle in hand I'm not much of a thinker

           Loud, obnoxious, nauseous spinning head, Waking up alone and feeling, so dead

Cant believe my ignorance to the pain I was causing you, now it's all coming back, karma times 2

cause at night you dont come home so I'm sat here alone, Im begging now darling please,come home

           See I've driven my wife into the arms of another, it's too late now though I still love her

           So I sit here each night, crying alone, hoping I can make the long stagger home

It's cost me my wife..........

Reply

Report abuse 6 Thumbs up

trebuchet

6 Posts
Wed, 29th December 2010, 1:44pm

hey Winmor

first off id like to thank you for sharing part of your story with us,

seems to me that this time of year kicks the crap out of most people

let alone the damage we do to ourselves mentally and sometimes physically.

my exwife loves someone else too and finding out recently sent me spiralling out of control, so i can relate to your situation.

they tell me to move forward, we need to get help where we can find it, if we can afford it, and hold onto what we can, be it a job, loved ones, anything...keep breathing is the key

im certainly not one to offer advice, im just as lost......

Reply

Report abuse 1 Thumbs up